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2022搞笑段子对话,搞笑对话段子一问一答

搞笑对话

1、我女儿要出门和个黑人去约会,我气得要命,跟她说:“你要是从这扇门走出去,就别想再回来!”你们能想象得到我接到**电话说她被奸杀了之后有多得意吗?我简直保罗再世啊!

2、白衬衫容易发黄,一般的洗衣粉很难洗掉,不少人为此而感到头疼。下面教给大家一个小技巧:在洗白衬衫之前,吃点止痛片,头就没那么疼了。

3、不羡慕那种开宝马,副驾驶座美女的场景。我嫉妒的是骑个破自行车,后面还有个女的搂着腰,那种甜蜜,气得我吐血。我都骑电动三轮车了,为啥还没有妹子理我。

4、想看那种综艺:请明星做数学卷子,期末做ppt答辩,还要有课程设计,每期考试一次,有踢馆赛,最好能把圈子里艹学霸人设的都请一遍,名字都想好了:《不懂了吧,兄弟》。

5、曾经听过一个笑话,分享给大家。乾隆问刘墉:“国家的银子哪里去了。”刘墉答:“掉河里了。”乾隆又问:“怎么不捞呢。”刘墉答:“河深(和珅)啊!”

6、皮克问阿尔伯特:“你的新工作自由吗?”阿尔伯特说:“相当自由。早上点前,我爱什么时候到办公室都可以;下午点以后,随便我什么时候离开都行。

7、我有一对双胞胎女朋友,她们每天喂我吃饭,帮我洗澡,替我穿衣服,陪我打游戏,一起度过很多寂寞的晚上。我离不开她们,她们也离不开我。这么幸福的事情为毛听起来感觉这么悲伤呢。

8、上班忽然肚子痛,跑去厕所,刚刚脱下裤子,放出一屁,发现手纸没带,于是只能穿上裤子跑出去拿纸了。听到隔壁一哥们来了句:“真牛B,放个屁还要来厕所放……”

9、看完西游记女儿说什么都不肯蹲下来小便了,妈妈赶紧问为什么,女儿说:“土地公公偷看怎么办?”妈妈笑了:“土地婆婆管着呢,他不敢偷看。”(好机智的麻麻。)

10、找了个算命先生给我算一卦,他打量了一下说:“这位兄台,你一定是在凌晨出生的吧。”我十分惊讶:“你怎么算得这么准确?”他捋了捋胡须说:“因为凌晨一点至三点是丑时啊。”

11、今天一早在公司上厕所,厕所门栓坏了,我就拉着厕所门,这时来了个很急的哥们,直接拉我的门,没错,我正用力呢,他直接把老子拉出来了,卧槽,我屁股都没擦就跟他打了起来

12、据说当一个异性在你面前毫无顾忌地谈论屎尿屁这种话题,就说明她爱上你了。刚才就有一个妹子爱上我了,她看着我眼睛,一本正经的说:“你也不撒泡尿照照自己!”

13、一个IT经理走进一家拉面馆,问:请问你们需要客户端吗?界面似乎还有点陈旧啊。老板一愣:面一般是伙计端,忙的时候才需要客户端。界面……界面绝对是新鲜的啊,不过排骨是昨天的。

14、修空调的老邱在办公室随地吐痰,被保洁抓到要罚他七十元钱,老邱是死活不交!经理来了、说给开1块钱的罚款收据,老邱就乐颠颠的把钱交了~~

15、老板对一位应聘者说道:“我们这里需要一位负责的工人,您负责吗?”“老板,您可找对人了!”应聘者答道,“我曾干过许多工作,无论每次发生什么事,别人都说让我负责。”

16、我亲眼看到一个老头在古玩城砍价,惊呆了!买一个古币什么的,问:“多少钱?摊主:“万。”老头:“块行吗?”摊主:“加块拿走。”

17、一位朋友问:“你新找到的这份工作怎么样?”“辞了。”“为什么?”原因太多了,”她回答,“态度不友好工作马虎、说粗话我的老板实在受不了

18、和一个漂亮的MM约了个会,看完电影后,她邀请我去她家,我觉得不能这么空着手去,说先去超市买点东西,但这时她羞涩的对我说,不用了,家里还有剩的

19、高三的时候,化学老师教我们有机化学。老师先在黑板上画了一个“肽键”,然后对我们说:“这是一个太监,我们给它安个甲基吧!同学们,你说要安在哪里呢?”这时,台下已经笑疯了。

20、酋长的女儿偷东西,大家想要惩罚她,酋长赶紧制止说:“谁还没犯过错?你们这些人谁要是敢说自己没罪,才可以惩罚她。”醉汉上来就是一巴掌:“老子没醉!”

21、“站住,你穿裙子考试,是不是把小抄写在大腿上了!”“老师~这都能被您猜到,莫…莫非您是过来人?”“过来人个屁啊,全学校就你一个考试时候特意穿条裙子的男生!”

22、老婆不知为何突然生气骂我,我哄了半天她才冷静下来问:“你现在知道你错在哪里了吗?”我怒道:“你什么意思?难道我没有错就不能被你骂了?”

23、经理:“刚上任的张组长,表现如何?”职员:“自从张组长上任后,同仁上班打盹的现象已经大为改善。”经理:“他是怎么做到的?”职员:“因为他的鼾声吵得别人无法入睡。

24、昨天晚上打车回家,路上见一美女挥手拦车,司机师傅慢慢把车停了下来,我一想能和美女坐在一起很高兴啊,只见司机转过头来对我说:“你下去吧,不要你钱了!”

25、一二货妹子,向心仪男子表白,问其:你喜欢什么类型的女孩子?曰:我喜欢坏坏的女孩子,这妹子激动万分说:你考虑考虑我吧?我就不是什好东西。

26、女友给我绣了双鞋垫,满心欢喜地垫上。女友嘚瑟地问我:好穿不,亲手给你秀得!我连忙应承:好穿,很舒服,就是那个统一零售价是什么鬼?

27、刚才室友犯抽给我们洗水果,乐呵呵端了盆水果,一群人一拥而上瞬间抢光。我没动,不是学孔融,而是他拿的是我洗脚盆。看着他们狼吞虎咽,我深藏功与名。

28、A:最近在哪里发财?B:炒炒股票。A:做得怎么样?B:马马虎虎,最近正在看楼。A:厉害啊,都挣到一栋房子的钱了。B:不是,在找地方跳楼!

29、我是一个洁身自好的女子,每天按时点以前回家,不和任何男子暧昧,喜欢画画和听爱尔兰的CD。这样的生活直到我昨天过了岁的生日,父母把我撵出家门。

30、有一次上厕所,隔壁的兄弟说:“兄弟,你用的是什么牌子的纸巾?这么香。”“心相印。”“能拿来给我看看吗?”我不耐烦地递了过去。然后,就没有然后了……我在厕所里蹲了一天。

31、突然有种想去放牛的感觉,没有生活压力,没有江湖套路,没有爱恨情仇,只关心我的牛还在不在,以我的智商,只放一只,多了我也数不过来。它吃草,我睡觉。

32、高中群闲聊,一男同学说:“以前读书时要泡妞啊,就很怕女孩子嫌我丑。现在想通了,丑就丑,又不靠脸吃饭。”我们:“所以你现在靠啥吃饭?”男生:“靠我爸。”

33、下班回家,看到媳妇正双手抱着刚满周岁的儿子,拼命地摇晃,孩子痛得大哭。我忙问,“你为什么要这样做!”媳妇说,“我常听别人说,孩子一晃就长大了。”

34、昨天和男朋友打电话,不知怎么的突然就断线了。过了会,那货又给我打过来,还没等我开口,他就说:你能不能减减肥?你自己说说,这个月都几次了?一笑脸都碰到挂机键了!

35、女友自拍完,拿着手机左右滑动两张照片问我:“亲爱的,你觉得是这张好看,还是这张好看?”当时我就愣住了……半天也没反应过来…为何只有好看这个答案…

36、我很喜欢浪费钱,可是我却没有钱,所以我只好选择浪费时间,因为时间就是金钱。浪费时间就是拖延,你看我表面上在拖延,其实我是在炫富。

37、听我妈和我说,我小时候两岁还不会走,我爸妈就带我去各大医院看,但是没发现毛病。我爸妈无奈之下带我找了个算命先生给看了一下,先生说:“都算过了,你儿子就是懒……”

38、高考结束了,有人问我能不能直接上清华,我说肯定不可,又问我能不能去北大,我说也不可。由于当年我去清华做的是路,去北大坐的是地铁。

39、我把车开得东倒西歪,交警立即拦下!我下车后,吐的昏天黑地!交警对我进行酒精测试,却没异常反应!一群交警都纳闷,我委屈道:“我真没喝酒,只是晕车啊。”

40、让老婆高兴的方法有很多,比如说送礼物、陪逛街、做好吃的、干家务等等,而让老公高兴的办法只要有一个,那就是“今晚回我妈家,你自己在家吧!”

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下一篇:感恩老顾客的支持和信任句子,对我生意照顾感谢语句
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